Allegro
by Dark McCloud
Summary: The smashers are arranged into a concert band with an insane director. Much chaos and smashing of trumpets will ensue! (btw, former pen name was Jaye the Dark Samurai)


Disclaimer- I own myself and the insane director person. This is a preview of what SSB would be like if Dark McCloud owned it. Be afraid, be very afraid.

A/N- OK, can we all say "Band Geek"? That would be what Dark is for putting the smashers in a concert ensamble. Yes, I could see all of this happening in my band class. Enjoy

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"Play this thingy!" the director screeched at the band while waving a random score. The band which consisted of random smashers. Whoever came up with the bright idea to start a "concert ensemble" (insert air quotes here) with the smashers was a complete idiot. Which didn't narrow the choices down very far.

Suddenly there was a giant nuclear explosion from the lower brass section. "So THAT'S where my ballistic nuclear missle went," Jaye said.

"Oh silly Jaye," some boys swooned because they thought she was hot.

The director began poking each pathetic trumpet player with his pointy baton. "Mwha ha ha ha," he chuckled with each poke. He took Fox's trumpet and began smashing it on the stand. "Now play it right or I WILL EAT YOU!" he said, chipping out a rubber duck. "The giant evil duck with rabies will eat you!"

So the orchestra continued to play out of tune and the director continued to go schizo. "We have messed up the exact same measure 3672 times!"

"3673!" Dr Mario corrected helpfully. Captain Falcon, who couldn't count over five, took off his boots and atempted to figure this out. But the paradox proved to be too much for his brain to handle, and he thought of nothing at all.

"SHUT UP!" the demented director yelled, throwing his rubber duck at Dr Mario.

"MONKEYS!" Dr Mario yelled, and jumped out the window.

"One less trumpet player to worry about," the director said cheerfully. "Now PLAY IT RIGHT!"

The trumpets tried to play it. "No no NO! You're all idiots! You're just mashing the thingies and hoping for the best! It's like trying to stab somebody in the dark!" he said, poking a random trumpet player. "And believe me, I know from experience that DOESN'T work!"

"Mr Insane Director Dude," Peach said sweetly. "I wouldn't talk to the trumpets about anything sharp."

This warning came far too late, however, because Ness got this really possessed look on his face, screamed, and grabbed the pointy baton, joining Dr Mario out the window. Fox grabbed Ness's trumpet, happy that he now had an instrumet to play again.

Jaye and Falco jumped up and began laughing insanely. They ran around the room, laughing their heads off and smashing random pots.

"DIE EVIL POTS!" Jaye cackled. The two continued to go on a rampage, occasionally screaming something to the extent of "I rule the world". The rest of the band looked on at this spectacle. The director was completly oblivious to the entire thing and threw Fox/Ness's trumpet out the window, watching triumphently as a Barbie Jeep ran it over.

"Will you stop that!" Fox yelled.

"No," the director stated, grabbing Fox's ear and threw him out the window too.

Then Jaye and Falco sat down calmly. "What measure were we on?" Jaye asked sweetly. Ganondorf ate the organ. Don't ask why, he just did.

Jaye poked Link in the back and whispered something to him. The two began to laugh. "STOP FLIRTING!" the director yelled at Jaye.

"I wasn't flirting," Jaye said. "I was just telling him about the evil aliens from the planet Gyorzenplatt that were going to come and turn us all into their mindless zombie slaves as part of the plot for the giant starburst wrappers to take over the world."

"Nah, because then Young Link would be the leader of the corporation," Falco pointed out.

"SWEET RACCOONS! What if Young Link joined the Dark Side? Or...or if Kirby was purple! Or if we were all attacked by old ladies after our HAIR!" she screamed.

"Nah, that's just silly."

"NO MORE RANDOM COMMENTS FROM THE BADASS TUBA PLAYER!" the demented director yelled, poking Jaye with his spare baton.

"FLUFFINESS PREVAILS!"

"What did I just say?"

"Oh that was ME! I knew that..."

"Silly Jaye," some random people laughed.

"Hey she's MINE!" Link yelled at them. "MINE! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" He hit random people over the head with his piccolo and threw his head back, laughing insanely.

"Hey, Link's a wimpy girly man cause he plays piccolo," Mario yelled from the trumpet section.

"It's cause you can't play a potato," Jaye stated plainly.

"Its an OCARINA!"

"Dude, it's so a potato." Link took out the ocarina AKA the potato and waved it in Jaye's face, screaming 'ocarina' over and over again.

"Why oh why must I be from THEIR game?" Jaye mused. "I have the hero playing a potato, and Zelda with her sissy stringy music thing over there."

"We've been through this Jaye. It's a harp, and you know it," Zelda stated plainly.

"Right. That's a harp, and that's a potato," she said, pointing at the ocarina. 1

"You're from Zelda cause you think the hero's hot," Luigi stated. Jaye glared and threw a music stand at him.

"No duh. Link is HOT."

"Pardon?" Link asked, surprised.

"Duh! H-O-T! Hero Of Time! Why?" Jaye looked at him suspiciously. "What did you think I meant?"

"...nothing."

"Hahaha," Mario cackled.

"Well everybody knows that YOUR newest game didn't sell in Japan because it proclaimed SHI NE proudly in bright letters after you got a shine sprite. Take that!" Link stated proudly. 2

"It sold three copies!" Mario glared.

"Yeah, all three of which were purchased by Miyamoto in a poorly conceived scheme to start a trend by racing into an electronics store and theatrically announcing how he intended to purchase 'multiple copies of that super happy Mario Sunshine Game which does not offend me in the slightest'," Jaye retaliated.

"Ah, well, we can always sell it to the Americans," Mario stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah but the sexual harassment laws being filed against Pikachu could be a whole new chapter in the company's financial crisis," Samus pointed out, having to put her two cents in.

"ENOUGH!" the director yelled. "I can't take this anymore! Whoever currently possesses the mentality of a termite in a plastic room can jump out the window and NEVER EVER set foot in this room again!"

The entire orchestra cheered and ran for the window, occasionally getting smashed by tubas on the way out.

"Why me?" the disgruntled insane director demanded of an unfortunate paperweight on his desk. The paperweight stared back at him. "AHHHHH! It MOCKS me!" the director jumped out the window too.

-The End-

1- Conversation a la The Emperor's New Groove. If you've never seen the movie, go watch it. Now.

2- shi ne means die in Japanese. No I do not think that the Japanese version of the game really said DIE, but it would be kinda funny if it did.

A/N- I'm sorry if I bashed your favorite character, but hey I bashed all of my favorite characters too so its all good. R&R, and have a spiffy day.


End file.
